The dining room

Mimi still won't go into the dining room unless someone is with her.  And this weekend, during my reading in the dining room,  my client bundled up the entire time, sometimes warming her cheeks.  At least you couldn't see our breath!  I felt oddly apologetic though I don't have any control over such things; after all, the ambient temperature was 20.5 degrees celsius -- pleasantly warm!

As my client spoke, I kept seeing the spirit of an elderly man around her.  He was kind of distant from her but seemed congenial.  I told her about him and that he was somehow connected to her friend. The ghost's name was Tom.  I'd seen him before around her but hadn't been able to give her a name.  I knew he'd been in an airplane accident and I had told her so during a previous appointment.

"That's my friend's father!" 

She paused and added, "I forgot to mention last time: My friend's father died in an airline crash . . . "

Still, I don't know who is in the dining room.

They're often nicer . . .

I used to provide readings in an urban area. This type of setting -- people walking in from the street -- doesn't usually lend itself to much chatter between client and reader (and, from a client's point of view, that should be a good thing.)

Anyway, I could see that many people just looked so frightened when they came in, even if it wasn't their first time for a reading. I felt bad for them and wanted to put them at ease. Often, the exchange ended with me joking that we have more to fear from the living than from the dead.

I've had one of those days when this rings expecially true. Sometimes, people can say really nasty things in a PERSONAL context and it's far more draining than a day of readings can be. Which is what happened. Today. Someone said something -- unrelated to my vocation -- and I'm trying to shrug it off.

How things change!

Years ago, when I first started reading professionally, I noticed a trend:  The number of television shows concerning the paranormal was increasing.  I couldn't think of anything I'd rather be doing less -- after all, I spent all day dealing with the paranormal and didn't want to spend my spare time doing so as well.

So, the irony has not escaped me that, as I sit here wondering if I'm going to watch Ghost Lab, Extreme Ghost Stories, or Paranormal State, things have changed.  I've changed. 

It's not surprising, really. I only do readings on the weekends now.  I also accept who I am and what I do much more readily than I used to; I'm comfortable in my own skin. 

But all of this self-reflection has not helped me decide what I'm going to watch tonight.

Uh . . .

Some clients leave me speechless which, ask Scully, is very hard to do. One person actually gave me a cell number to use and said, "You can't call my home because my wife doesn't know about you."

I'm BACK! And Freaky Friday is here.

Well, I didn't actually go anywhere. But, after a 2.5 year hiatus, I'm booking reading appointments again.

It wasn't just burnout that caused me to want to stop that long while back: Having children, requiring childcare, etc. all played a part. Also, I was worried about the stigmatizing effect it might have on my children. But, I've worked it all out and, if I'm very discreet, it can be done.

The last thing I want to teach my children is to be uncomfortable with who they are; but, let's face it, childhood can be difficult where peer relationships are concerned.

My intention is to post daily but, additionally, I want to post weekly about a psychic or ghostly experience.

Let's start now: we'll make it Freaky Friday.

Recently, I had been hearing cupboards door slamming, people walking around upstairs in the evening and during the day. I called out (for I'm a lazy psychic) and asked, "Scully? Is that you?" or "Girls, are you running around up there?"

Of course, Scully was watching a video on his laptop with the HEADPHONES on and didn't even hear me, let alone budge from his comfy spot. And, the girls? They were asleep each time it happened.

No, I didn't think I was losing my mind. I didn't think this each time I felt a presence or when I heard a gravelly voice call my name.

Then, a day after the last event and week after the first, I received a phone call from my sister:

"I'm sorry to disturb you this late, but I just had to tell you! (Terri) died!"

I was stunned, actually. I'd known her for about 33 years. She'd babysat us daily. I'd grown up with her own children.

Then, a phone call to my mother:

"She died last Wednesday, a massive coronary."

"Oh, between 10 and 11 pm?"

"Yes, that's when they believe it happened."

Well, that's when Terri had started visiting me. Slamming my cupboards though? Let's just say, I'm not the most organized psychic nor am I the best housekeeper. She was organized, immaculate. In my own way, I'll miss her.

Rambling

I have so many -- more than a hundred -- questions from readers that have gone unanswered because I have been so busy. My older daughter has started summer vacation; my baby has just started walking. If I finish one cup of coffee in a day, I'm doing well. There really aren't enough hours in a day to do everything I want/need to do, but, I'm sure that everyone reading this can relate. After supper, I go to my second job: the 'health club' (which, as far as I can tell, is just a way of saying 'very expensive gym'). Ghostiegurl is trying to shed the pounds and generally get healthier.

The premonitions that I had years ago about my future featured myself as a heavy woman. I still have to try, though; sometimes, we seem to be able to change the outcome of things provided that we don't suddenly find ourselves living out the premonition. That has been my experience. But, it's difficult. I can't tell you the number of times that I've been in the midst of events when I've realized, "Oh, s*&@! I dreamt about this . . ." I don't have all -- or maybe any -- of the answers. Maybe there are things we simply can't change.

Sometimes, a predictive dream is really straightforward in its interpretation: such an event X will happen at point Y in time involving person A. At other times, the dreams feature a mixture of all the predictive elements but the setting is purely unrealistic. For example, after breaking up with a boyfriend, I dreamt of having two children and a husband and of living in a small town and receiving a message from my ex-boyfriend. Well, it happened recently. I was shocked to receive an email after 15 years of silence just a couple of months ago but all the elements had been in place. I call that a "comfort dream": though inconsolable at the time of the separation, my mind was telling me that I would hear from him again and placed the future communication in a broad context.

We'll have to see about the dreams in which I was heavy. It's hard to imagine because my hair -- very long with loads of spiral curls -- was short in the dreams and Scully hates the idea of me cutting my hair. I don't even feel inclined to do it.

At any rate, back to busy-ness. Giving up readings was hard to do but, in my schedule, something had to give. There's definitely a part of me that misses giving readings. The other evening, a friend requested that I give her one and I did. Believe it or not, my husband (aka 'Scully') occasionally asks for a reading. I like giving readings. I will do so again at some point.

Hiatus Over

OK, I'm back.

It's amazing to me that I'm always struggling to keep up with everything. While I wouldn't say that having two children is difficult, it does keep you extremely busy.

One day, I'll read again. One day, I'll write again. One day, maybe one day, I'll sleep again.

In the meantime, I've continued to book reading appointments into February 2008.

By the way, does anyone still read this blog???

Update

I'm taking time off from readings to have my baby and then to care for my baby. I'm giving readings to the last clients over the next month-and-a-half. I've announced that I'll be back next year but, honestly, I don't know if I will be.

I'm tired of giving readings now. I think I'm burnt out again. I read an article in New York Magazine that described being burnt out as a battery that no longer holds its charge. That's how I feel.

I will continue to write here about my experiences -- and more frequently than has been usual--and, probably, I will give readings once I've had my baby.

Scary and Good

Anyway, many of you have asked me for details and I think it's time to dish. I want to tell you about the scariest reading that I've ever done. Well, let me rephrase that: I want to tell you about the reading that frightened me the most.

It happened about eight years before I started reading professionally. I'd always read for friends and acquaintances for free. The settings varied: Sometimes they were done at my home, in the university cafeteria (I think) or a cafe.

An acquaintance of mine always wanted a reading and I think I generally declined. One day, in a cafe, I gave in and pulled out my cards. (By the way, cards aren't necessary).

As I lay out the cards, I could feel a familiar anxiety rising in my chest. Voices around me became indistinct as I focussed more clearly on the task at hand.

The reading went along pretty smoothly: I told him about his past and what was going on in the present very accurately. Then, I saw it:

"You're going to be going on an unexpected trip really soon!" I felt a sense of urgency.

"Flying," I continued. "It could be just a couple of days away but it actually looks like a couple of hours away."

He looked puzzled. "Really? Why?"

I didn't know how to tell him so I just said, "It's family-related." Gawd, I had such a sense of dread.

The next day, I didn't think anything about not seeing him. I didn't see him everyday. I didn't even know him very well. I just went about my secretarial job and went home. Days followed days, of course, until I saw him again.

"You were right," he said, a look of fear spread across his face.

"What?"

"You were right. About the reading. After working that day, I went home and went to bed. In the middle of the night, my family got a phone call from the ---- coast. My grandmother died... We flew out the next day."

I found this frightening for some reason. These days, it's quite commonplace but I was jolted right then. I didn't want to read anymore for anyone.

Of course, you know that I did keep reading but, when I started doing it professionally, I actually called myself the 'reluctant psychic'.

***

Generally, since my appointments come via word-of-mouth for the most part, people leave pretty satisfied with the reading.

The times that make it seem very worthwhile are those during which clients go out of their way to let you know that they enjoyed the reading, like when they tell you they've been talking about you on the radio or want to do so or when they ask to take all of your business cards (which reminds me: Print up more business cards). Yesterday was just such a day.

I don't need the publicity but it makes me feel . . . I don't know, good and much more enthusiastic about my job.

All Walks, Just Thoughts

Honestly, getting back to work, I'm not as enthusiastic as I'd hoped to be but I wouldn't say that I'm burnt out anymore.

I can't believe the number of people that I've met: politicians, doctors (academic, medical, and veterinary), lawyers, strippers, heroin/coke addicts, waitresses, psychics, television producers, abuse survivors, depressed people, psychopathic people, psychotic people, social workers, sales reps, horse trainers, carpenters, authors, teachers, dental hygenists . . .

Life is full of interesting folk. My job has taught me that more than anything else. (I also see just how rare psychopaths really are. Of all the hundreds of people I've met, I believe I've only ever come across one. )

I don't think I began giving readings specifically to help people. When I began to see that I was helping people in my own peculiar way, it felt good. I liked it.

When I see signs that I'm helping, I want to keep doing it.

I know that I'm different from other psychics, probably because I'm so strongly convinced that my ability -- whatever you call it -- is biologically based and not the product of some strange confluence of ether and crystal (not -- cough -- that there's anything wrong with that).

I have spiritual beliefs and I don't think biology precludes spiritual reality. I see ghosts and the past and the future because my brain works that way: It enables me to see what others may not. I feel what others feel, even after they've left a room or when they're on the other end of the telephone.

I don't stare at crystal balls; I don't think tarot cards hold any inherent power. I don't think that I'm special. I think I get information and I, ultimately, don't know why except that this is connected to neurochemical events originating in my brain.

All this being said, I hope that my brain works effectively enough to help me drive in the days ahead. I am relinquishing my status as one of life's pedestrians. As my child ages, I realize that I need to be able to get her to her art class, ballet class, keyboard class . . . Somehow, I foresee it only gets busier from this point on.

Vacation Time

I'm tired. I only have two more readings until my three-week vacation starts (and these are booked for today).

I think I'm burning out. I think that I should want to do readings but, lately, I don't want to think about anything.

It could be that I've been extraordinarily busy at home. After my vacation, however, I believe that I'll be enthusiastic again. I've been doing this professionally for a few years or more now. I see a pattern: I'm busy, I get burnt out, and then I rest.

There's something I want to write about here but it'll have to wait until tonight since I have to do my readings now.

Play-by-Play Today

While waiting for my first client to arrive this morning, I'm thinking about the fact that I really would like to clean Gigi's room but can't think when I'll be able to do so today. At this point, her wind-up bunny -- it plays Brahms's lullaby -- begins to play.

I hurry to her room because I'm excited that someone is here. Just as I open the door, the bunny stops playing. Where is it? I have to search for it. It's lying under her table. I pick it up and wonder, "Who is here?"

I'm Back!

For unknown reasons, I've had difficulties posting to this blog: getting logged in, losing data, etc.

But, everything seems OK at the moment.

An interesting anecdote:

My sister, alone at my mother's house last week, heard loud, booming footsteps coming up the stairs on the porch behind her and these were followed by a loud bang on the screen door. When she went to investigate immediately, she found nothing and nobody there: There had been no descending footsteps.

So, the ghosts on the porch are still there. I used to hear them all the time but now, when I go to my mother's house, I rarely hear anything.

My sister also told me that my maternal grandmother visits her regularly. She actually rarely visits ME. She and my sister shared a closer relationship than my grandmother and I had.

I can feel things slowing down for me: not in terms of reading-volume overall but in the sense that June is my family vacation time and I might have accidentally on purpose scheduled fewer readings in the weeks leading up to it.

I generally do more readings per day than I would like to do and I have shuffled the majority of requests off to July.

I've been gardening with my husband lately because 'tis the season. I'm a bit overwhelmed by the amount of gardening that needs to be done. Last year, I had a small baby and I didn't do much gardening at all. The gardens lay barren, practically. Now my baby is a little girl and I've been able to do more work around the 12-or-so gardens.

Though I'm plodding away out there during spare moments, I'm well aware that I'm ignoring what I normally consider to be the spiritual benefits of working the earth and in nurturing seeds to seedlings to mature plants: the biological connection to the earth, engaging in an activity that connects me to the generations before me.

My readings tomorrow are all back-to-back and this will give me more spare time in the middle of the day.

Nearly Sleeping On The Job

Though I get impressions from many sources, I seem to be overcome lately by a certain type of experience. Otherwise alert, I suddenly begin to feel extremely sleepy. Instead of succumbing to sleep, I get the urge to grab a pen and paper.

I start to write, and feeling more alert, the impression of a ghost occurs and I write what he/she tells me. In the case of one client the other day, I was able to tell her about her life because the ghost (a relative) had messages about different aspects of her life. He even told me what she did for a living.

When all was said and done, this was only qualitatively different from my usual experiences. The sleepiness was new but I'm getting used to it. Ghosts usually do appear but mostly at night or during readings and not often immediately beforehand.

I should be posting more often. Life gets crazy. Sometimes, I feel like giving up readings altogether (like tonight) and, at other times, I worry that I won't be able to keep doing my readings. Neither scenario is realistic. I'm just moody. Especially in the past few weeks. This probably explains my absence.

I think I need to cheer myself up.

Exorcisms and Aliens

More and more of my days off are being used to fit in readings for people who are waiting and who want an earlier appointment or for whom I might have caused inconveniece by having to reschedule. I'm booked months in advance but if I have to reschedule someone at late notice, then I generally use my day off.

A movie seen recently: The Exorcism of Emily Rose. I thoroughly enjoyed it though I don't believe in demons or in the notion of possession.

I read the April issue of Fortean Times and really enjoyed reading the sections devoted to ufology despite my disinclination to believe in alien-powered UFOs. I want to be open-minded on the subject.

I actually stumbled across this magazine when I lived in London and frequently used to walk down to a major new-book store (whose name escapes me). At the time that I moved back here, I realized that I could ill afford a subscription to the magazine so I intentionally allowed my interest in it to wither.

Of course, this magazine is now available in some stores around the Big City and the Bigger City.

I have a link in my sidebar to the website.

Iceland, Ghosts and A Busy Day

So, if you've been reading this blog for a while, you probably know how much I can't stand television shows based on the paranormal: Medium, Ghost Whisperer, Supernatural, etc.

Sometimes, a documentary will catch my eye. This weekend, I recorded one concerning Icelandic beliefs in persistence beyond death and it aired on the Documentary Channel. I've yet to watch it but the television blurb itself described the doc as "uninvolving".

It's entitled, Investigation into the Invisible World:

While scouting locations in Iceland, filmmaker Jean Michel Roux discovered that many Icelanders truly believe in the existence of pixies and elves. Enchanted by the beautiful Icelandic landscapes and intrigued by the sincerity of the people he interviewed, Roux pursued his investigation. The result is Investigation Into The Invisible World, a feature-length documentary about the relationship between humans and invisible beings such as elves, ghosts, angels, water-monsters and extra-terrestrials. (The Documentary Channel)

If anyone has seen it or does see it in the near future before I do, please feel free to tell me about it. Time goes all silly in my home when the lapse between the point of recording to the point of watching a show is measured.

Tomorrow, there are no breaks in my reading schedule at all. I often wonder why I do this to myself: I mean, it's my time, my home. I could control this better but I haven't yet.

The Weekend Is Nigh

I shouldn't complain but I've got five consecutive hours of readings today without a washroom break. Why was I not more careful in my scheduling? Oh, well.

My readings are an hour long and, once I've started, I'm quite happy while doing them. It's just that . . . beforehand . . . I start thinking about other things that I would like to be doing such as practicing the guitar, reading, writing . . .

I know. I'm very fortunate to be able to make a living doing something that I enjoy. So, shut up, right?

Ugh. It's just one of those days, I guess.

My dreams have been of two types this past week: there are those in which I'm reliving a past life somewhere in the southern United States and others that are filled with vague anxieties as well as shadows of people from this life.

One good thing about today: My house is cleaned for the weekend. There are friends coming over Saturday, family visiting on Sunday . . . If I can just remember to email Scully with a grocery list before he gets home, I might be able to pull off the entertaining successfully.

We're all getting sick again, I think. At least, it's the usual: sore throat, etc. Maybe we'll all fight it off!

Does anybody still read this blog? Just wondering. I know that I only post weekly but, trust me, you would be bored beyond belief if I wrote about every single detail...

A Week In

I had trouble getting my daughter off to 'school' (daycare) today. She didn't want to leave so I gave her my leather PDA wallet and asked her to take care of it for me until she came home today. Hopefully, it has done the trick.

Today won't be anything like last week as far as scheduled insanity goes. Last week, I had, perhaps through professional guilt due to taking a vacation, so many clients scheduled for my first day back that I was exhausted by the evening. (I did the scheduling months ago and planned for my vacation at the same time.)

Today, there are not so many.

I suppose there are many perquisites to working at home: I set my own schedule, I can go to the washroom whenever I need to and I can throw in a load of laundry between appointments. The drawback, however, is that my home has to be spotless. If you have even one child, you know how hard this can be.

Anyway, I need to get ready for my appointments.

Scary Movies and Stuff

By far, I usually have more female clients than male but this summer has seen so many male clients. (My clients hear about me through word-of-mouth primarily but there are many who have seen me on television or heard me on radio or stumbled across my website.)

Gigi knows my work as "seeing my ladies".

I think many men are reluctant to seek help of a spiritual nature.

At any rate, the house has been quiet as far as activity goes though the cold spots are always with us.

I have had to turn down requests for investigations and parties due to the fact that I have no time.




I watched The Ring 2 yesterday with my sister and it seems likely that there will be The Ring 3 since so many questions are left unanswered. Still, I enjoyed it far more than I did the first; however, I didn't find this one frightening, either. I'm not sure what would frighten me.

The Exorcism of Emily Rose. That looks frightening and I don't even believe in demonic possession. We'll have to wait and see if it actually does scare me. If anyone reading this sees this movie, I'd be interested to know what you thought of it.

Body and Soul

A marching band consisting of Scully and Gigi beat loudly, hand and foot, while my sister scraped uneaten portions of a cereal bar from the bottom of her feet. She was cleaning the nursery while I was running around getting ready to do my readings.

"It must be Friday," my husband joked.

Fridays are insane even when my reading load is relatively light: the logistics of childcare before, during and after readings; ironing Scully's clothes for work (I know, I should do it earlier), cleaning the house to make it presentable while picking up constantly after a two-year-old bundle of energy.

Even in the motion, activity and noise, I was able to stop and think: They are the reason that I do everything.